H E L P W A N T E D : I M M E D I A T E O P E N I N G
Position Available Immediately:
Apprentice Sith Lord,
Dark Side Consulting Group.
The Dark Side Consulting Group has a sudden opening for an Apprentice Sith Lord™. The ideal candidate for this position would enjoy extensive galactic travel and possess an understanding and competence with the Force, or at least posses rudimentary Force skills and demonstrate a willingness to let their hatred flow through them.
- Performing competitive intelligence
- Hands-on involvement in support of the Sith Master's planning initiatives
- Willingness to travel the galaxy widely
- Operation a variety of laser-powered hand weapons
- Piloting various high-powered space/air vehicles.
- Slaying of enemies of the Dark Side
Qualified applicants would possess excellent communications skills (especially when speaking in menacing whispers) and would be action-oriented individuals and risk takers. 99% travel is required. A background in The Force (light side or dark) is desirable. Any advanced degrees or significant course work in the Jedi™ Arts from the University of Coruscant™ would be a plus.
Applicants should also be familiar with holographic projection equipment, possess a valid galactic pilot's license, and show a willingness to give in to their hate. A proven track record of using fear and/or Jedi mind tricks to control others is desirable, as is the ability to speak several galactic languages. Ideal candidates for this position would have no children or other living relatives who are strong in the ways of the Force (a new hire would be given several weeks to meet this requirement). Working knowledge of Microsoft Windows® and Microsoft™ Office is also required.
Compensation for this position is commensurate with experience, and is extremely competitive for this field. Benefits include a generous severance package, a company starship, and a dark-colored clothing allowance. The Apprentice Sith Lord reports to and works closely with the Sith Master, and experience in such small, team-based organizations is vital to the success of the Master's plans. Discretion is also highly valued, as is the ability to see the future before it happens.
Interested applicants should submit their resume via The Force to The Emperor.
Dark Side CG™ is a small highly-focused organization, founded a long time ago in a galaxy far away. Our core values reflect the short-term advantages of harnessing hatred for institutional power and the long-term advantage of controlling the galaxy. We provide direction to our partner organizations through knowledge management, incident control and rapid on-site intervention capability. Our partnered organizations include the Imperial Senate, the Hutt Gambling Collective of Tattooine, and many large software companies.
"Jedi", "Coruscant", "Sith Lord", and "Tattooine" are registered trademarks of LucasFilms Ltd. The above is a farce of concepts belonging to LucasFilms Ltd and is covered by the United States Fair Use Act.