You Might Be An Engineer If

...Choosing to buy flowers for your wife or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.
...You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
...The salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
...At an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
...You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
...You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
...You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
...You sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.
...You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
...You know what http:// stands for.
...You look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.
...You see a good design and still have to change it.
...You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
...You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
...You window shop at Radio Shack.
...You can't explain what you do for a living without PowerPoint.
...Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
...You've already calculated how much you make per second.
...You've tried to repair a $5 radio.
...You know the second law of thermodynamics but not your shirt size.
...You repair your own cameras, telephones, televisions, and automatic transmissions.
...You say "it's 70 degrees Fahrenheit, 21 degrees Celsius, and 294 Kelvin."
...You checked to make sure the temperatures in the previous sentence are all equal
...You make four sets of drawings and seven revisions before making a bird bath.
...You can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week.
...Your briefcase contains a screwdriver, a copy of "Quantum Physics" and half a sandwich.
...Your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone.
...You ever burned down the school gym with your Science Fair project.
...You can translate English to Binary.
...Your hero is Dilbert.
...Your IQ is more than your weight.
...You can name every Star Trek episode.
...You know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
...You have ever taken the back off of your TV just to see what's inside.
...You have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as is".
...You thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers.
...You have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage.
...You print a copy of this list, and post it on your door.

And a few more from our readers:

...You were more interested in the ultrasound equipment used on your wife than the results
...Your ISP is the cable company and their internet tech support never understands your questions
...If asked if the glass is half empty or half full, you respond with "The glass was designed wrong"

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.